Ferenc Piller: The truth about me

If you browse this page for the truth about Ferenc Piller, or even for revealing some of Ferenc Piller secrets, you just might end up slightly disappointed. Actually, if you know Ferenc Piller personally, this website is not going to be able to restrain its secrets. Its a matter of where you came in.

Another artefakt that might excite your interest regarding Ferenc Piller out of context is, as most of yourselves, the output of a dialogue will depend at least on equal parts to the participants of a discourse. Sophisticated visitors might rarely be shocked upon this. However, the envolvement of Ferenc Piller in any kind of disputes will never, don't say never, subtilize absurdity beyond cause and reason. So much for philosophy, sense and nonsense, the essence of challenge though, wouldn't necessarily satisfy the thurst for truth either. Anyone care? Seriously, life is too short to waste on arguments way beyond reasons.

My name is...

My name is the name of the one, that named me, that tried to forge me but didn't succeed, that tried to change me but I didn't change to his favor, that tried to project his broken dreams on me but I didn't reflect, that wanted to strut with me but vanished in my shadow, that wanted to teach me but had to learn himself from me, that wanted to play the god in my world but missed my world by universes.

My name is the name of the one, that named four of us, that tried to forge four of us. I wasn't to forge by his crafts, two of us went wrong and the fourth one broke because you can't forge something tha brakes. Four of us started off equipped with the wrong dreams, set off to each ones own road to hell. False promises and all wrong premises, it's like sailing without a compass and with holes in your boat, a race against time you can't win if you can't tell where to go. This I understood soon and didn't even try. I jumped overboard and learned to live in a different element, a different life. I am grateful to myself and respect myself greatly for this behaviour. As I get old now, towards the end of my life, I am quiet satisfied I did it like this, even killing demons all the way. Just face it, I was free like a fish in the ocean equipped with the dream of flying like a bird, again, not like an eagle - who cares.

To name the ones of yours with your own name, is like the dog pissing on the corner, marking this is yours, you were here, this was you. The one that named me couldn't piss me on the wall, I don't know about the other three of us, I just don't care. I don't want to handle the demons of three more that he named, I am peaceful as long as my own demons are. I go by the wrong tag, I've been thinking of it all my life. The third of us changed his as soon as he could, - well, he or she, who knows -, what about me, who knows... at least my life is not branded with the wrong tag, after all I was the shark swimming it.

All my life I've been watching out for demons to come out in me, demons of the one that named me, me always ready to jump at them, always ready to attack, to cut their heads off, to annihilise any remains of them demons. Demons throw up false positivs, dogmatic predjudice, misleads you by wrong imagination and false dreams, demons make you forget your native priorities, demons make you forget your heart and make you think in wrong terms, demons mix up your numbers and play unseen tricks on you. demons make you hope instead of running, believe instead of taking another look deeper. Demons make you love the wrong one and make your heart ache for the one you really love, demons make you hurt the ones you love, make you chase phantoms. Demons make you hit when you want to caress, demons make you fuck someone finished instead of fucking her to heaven, notice, the difference might not be what she actually gets, the difference is in the way you see it, or the reason you do it.

Every time I look in the mirror I wonder, if age makes me look like the one that named me, if my children look like him, or if they'll remind me of him when they get older. I take a thorough look, the demons could be sleeping inside, or creep in disguise, aware of beeing under surveillance and a sharp sword waiting for their necks. I wonder if I would reject myself, or even reject my children at a point, but that will never happen - I know the demons and I always have a wake eye on them. As of my children, in ultimo, I would never harm them, I let them fight their own demons, or even not - it's none of my decision. I give my children the wake eye, the sharp sword, a compass and I don't make holes in their boats. I'll take down my own demon, I'll die with it, I won't pass it on. The reign of my demon ends with the one that named me.

The second of us waisted the quarter of a century on a false dream, and achieved it. A day later I talked to him, him all broken, he said nothing had changed, it's all the same, he wondered if that was all for sacrificing his life like that. The big winner on that day was the one that named him. His head high in the air, his chest as big as a mountain, boasting around with what his piss on the wall had achieved, less naming the one he had named. A life for a whack off, what a tragedy...

As you can see, j'ai raconté this in total peace, I am quiet, not upset about anything anymore, no hard feelings. I'm not curious how others dealt with the heritage of the one that named us, I don't care, - I just don't care.

Ferenc Piller, this is not my name

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